


Before and After

by WhenInDoubtSleep



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky in Wakanda, Double Dating, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Sex, Smut, Steve and Bucky are basically husbands, Sweet, bucky is adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-07 16:54:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19855702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenInDoubtSleep/pseuds/WhenInDoubtSleep
Summary: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes have always been drawn together. This is the story of two men learning to love each other before and after tragedy.Steve and Bucky's first time, and also Steve and Bucky's first time after they get each other back.





	1. Part 1: Before

**Author's Note:**

> This is written to fill two slots on my Stucky Bingo 2019 card!
> 
> This chapter fills N4, First Time

_ Part I. Before _

Steve Rogers would not, under any circumstances, consider himself to be an innocent person. People typically take one look at his slight frame and assume that he’s never so much as kissed a dame (which is a silly assumption, honestly), and he wishes more than anything that he could escape peoples’ ideas of him. 

No one would consider Bucky Barnes an innocent person. He’s been charming dames since he was fourteen years old, and he’s garnered quite a reputation for treating ladies right (both in and out of the bedroom). Bucky Barnes with his broad shoulders and sly smiles was always guaranteed to find a nice girl to take out on a Friday night. 

Tonight, Bucky has dragged Steve along, telling him all about Alice and Maria, their double dates. Maria is just Bucky’s type, voluptuous and curvy in a light green dress. She has blonde hair pulled back in a flawless updo, and she keeps looking up at Bucky from beneath her golden eyelashes. Alice is an inch shorter than steve, a small waifish thing with full lips and a shy smile. She was nice enough, Steve figured. They were sitting at a small table in the corner of the dance hall, sharing a coke between them. 

“Steve?” Alice asked, quirking up an eyebrow, and Steve chuckled, cheeks flushing pink. 

“Yeah? Sorry,” Steve replied, watching her wrap her pink lips around the throat of the glass bottle. Steve could imagine drawing it, the contrast in colors, the taut skin. 

“I asked if you wanted to dance again? I know you don’t much like dancing, but this is one of my favorite songs,” She said, smiling just a bit. Steve nodded, his shoulders tensing slightly. He stood up offering his hand which she took eagerly, pulling him out to the floor. 

The song was slower than the one they had danced to earlier in the night. She moves in close, smiling at Steve when he moves into place, trying desperately not to step on her toes again. He could feel her laugh, and he watched in awe as she sang softly. 

This was admittedly one of the best dates he had ever been on. Alice seemed to like him, and she had a spitfire kind of personality. And even though he thought she was one of the prettiest dames he had ever danced with (not that there had been very many), Steve just wanted to go home and collapse into his bed. 

As the song wrapped up, he and Alice pulled apart, and Steve felt a clap on his shoulder, turning to look up at his best friend. 

“Heya, Stevie. I’m going to walk Maria home, okay? If you get back before me, leave the door open?” He said, and Steve just nodded up at him, watching the two saunter off together. Steve tried not to picture Bucky’s hands on her bare waist, lips against her skin. 

“Well, It’s kind of late. I should be getting back too,” Alice said, and Steve nodded, following her towards the door. 

“Let me walk you?” Steve asked, and Alice nodded, chuckling. 

“Okay, but you don’t get to come inside. I’m not a good time gal, Rogers, so don’t think you’re getting lucky,” Steve laughed, throwing his head back and shaking his head. 

“Don’t worry, I’m a regular boy scout,” Steve said, cheeks pink. It was her turn to laugh then, and she grabbed Steve’s arm, chatting happily while they walked the few blocks to her place. Once there, Steve swallowed thickly, staring at her sheepishly. 

“C’mon, Rogers. I think you've earned yourself a kiss,” She said, her voice fond, and Steve nodded, closing the gap between them. She stepped closer, her hand coming up to cup Steve’s cheek as they kissed. It was a chaste thing, lasting barely a few seconds before they both pulled back, smiling. 

“Thanks for coming out tonight. I had a really nice time,” Steve said, and Alice nodded, walking to her door before turning to look at him over his shoulder. 

“I had a nice time, too. Let’s do it again sometime. And then maybe I’ll let you come up,” She said, and Steve chuckled, nodding. 

“Sure thing. Have sweet dreams, Alice,” Steve said, waiting for her to go inside before turning and walking back to his and Bucky’s small apartment. He went inside, surprised to see Bucky out on the fire escape, his back to the apartment. He was only wearing his undershirt, his button-down tossed over the back of the broken-down couch. Steve walked over, leaning against the wall. 

“Hey, Buck. I didn’t expect to see you home so soon,” Steve said, and Bucky glanced over at him, eyes narrowing. He took another drag from his cigarette before his eyes settled out to the street again. 

“It looked like you and Alice got on well,” is all he said after a minute, and Steve nodded, surprised. 

“Yeah, she’s great,” Steve said, not sure what was bothering Bucky. 

“Well, any dame that likes you sure is, pal. Good on you,” Bucky muttered, stomping out his cigarette before coming back inside, pulling the window closed. 

Steve sighed, raising his eyebrows, “Why are you brooding? Didn’t get your dick sucked?” Steve said, staring at Bucky unwaveringly. 

“Fuck off, Steve,” Bucky muttered, stalking over to the kitchen, pulling out their bottle of cheap whiskey, “Want any?” he asked gruffly, and Steve sighed, following him. 

“I’m good, Buck,” He said quietly, watching Bucky pour a glass and gulp it down, setting the glass back down. He didn’t move to look at Steve, and after a minute, Steve sighed loudly. 

“C’mon, Buck. What’s wrong?” he asked his voice softer this time. 

“Nothing, Stevie. Leave it alone,” he said, shaking his head. He looked grim, sulky in a way that Bucky rarely was. He was usually so sunny and sweet. He had always been a happy man. 

“Buck, I’m not going to leave it alone,” Steve said, moving a little bit closer. Steve had always envied Bucky’s sunny disposition, and it made him uncomfortable whenever his best friend was upset. 

“Stevie, seriously. It’s not a big deal. I just didn’t have a very good night, is all,” he said, shrugging and pushing past steve, heading for the small bedroom. Steve followed after him. 

“You seemed to be having a good time. Was it Maria? Did something happen?” He pushed, and Bucky spun around, staring at him. 

“No, Steve. Nothing happened. Maria and I danced. I walked her home. I came back,” He said quietly, staring down at the smaller man. 

“Then why are you being so strange? You’re sulking around like a kicked pup. I thought you liked Maria. She’s your steady, isn’t she?” Steve asked, and Bucky rolled his eyes dramatically. 

“I dunno, Steve. Why don’t you ask Alice?” He snapped, eyes widening as soon as the words left his mouth. The silence settles uncomfortably around them. 

“What? Why would I?” Steve asked, his eyebrows furrowing, “God, you aren’t making any damn sense, Buck,” Steve said. 

Bucky muttered something under his breath, shaking his head. He sat down on the corner of the bed, staring at the wall. Steve groaned, walking over. 

“Hey. Look at me,” Steve said, reaching out, grabbing Bucky by the chin and forcing his head up. Buck’s eyes were wild, clouded in a way that Steve hadn’t ever seen before, “I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me what happened,” he added a moment later, fondness creeping into his tone. 

“Please, Steve,” he said, suddenly sounding vulnerable, “Please leave it alone. I’ll be fine in the morning. Let’s just go to bed,” he said, genuinely pleading. 

“No, Buck. I’m worried about you,”

“Stop, then. Stop worrying about me,” Bucky snapped, pulling his face out of Steve’s gentle grip. Steve’s eyes widened a fraction; he hadn’t realized he was still touching the older man. 

“I can’t stop, Bucky. You know that. End of the line and all that,” Steve said, shaking his head, “God, you’re really worked up,”

“I’m fine,” 

“you’re a liar and a jerk, is what you are,” Steve snapped, shaking his head, “God, you’re impossible. I don’t know why I bother,” Steve said, his voice rising. 

“Du farkirtst mir di yorn!,” Bucky muttered before standing up. Steve took a small step back to give Bucky room before the older man leaned down, smashing their lips together. 

Steve didn’t respond at first, frozen and wide-eyed. After a moment, his eyes fell shut, and he pushed in closer, hands moving to Bucky’s hips. 

The kiss had none of Bucky’s usual refinement, all teeth and desperation. Steve hummed, his tongue swiping at Bucky’s bottom lip. 

It was then that Bucky froze, pulling away from Steve and staring at him, his eyes that same wild storm from before. He moved away from Steve, almost tripping over himself in his haste. 

“Shit. Shit, Stevie. I’m so sorry,” he muttered moving to exit the room. Steve caught his wrist, shaking his head. 

“Stop, Buck. Don’t go,” he said, voice small. Bucky pulls out of his grasp, exiting their bedroom hastily, going back to the kitchen. Steve stands there, listening to Bucky pace in the other room. He’s quiet for a moment, letting Bucky have a moment before he turned, strode into the kitchen with purpose, took Bucky’s glass, put it on the table and stared up at him. 

“Look here, pal. You don’t get to pull that shit, okay?” Steve snapped, his voice low. Bucky grimaced at him, a pained expression settling on his face. 

“I’m  _ sorry _ , Stevie. I already said it. I know you ain’t like that. I don’t know why I did it, okay? Just please don’t-”

“Ain’t like what?” Steve asked, cutting him off, eyebrows furrowing. 

Bucky is silent, staring down at his best friend, the same pleading expression before gracing his face. 

“Please don’t make me say it, Stevie. You ain’t like that. You ain’t… like me,” and Steve could tell that he had to force the words out, one by one. Steve’s expression softened a bit, and he shook his head. 

“Well, if you think that’s true, you’re a liar, a jerk,  _ and  _ an idiot,” Steve said, setting his broad pals on Bucky’s shoulders and pulling him down, kissing him again. 

Steve had always had this lingering feeling that Bucky was it for him. No one in the world could ever hold a candle to the brilliant man before him. 

This time the kiss is slower, sweeter. Bucky tastes of whiskey, and Steve of coke. Bucky’s hands immediately moved to Steve’s hips, tugging him closer. Steve let out an indignant noise, pushing Bucky back until his lower back hit the counter behind him. 

Unsurprisingly, kissing Bucky felt like breathing. It felt like the first time the ache in his chest was gone, the pain in his back dissipating until all that was left was Bucky. 

Bucky moaned softly, fingers tightening at Steve’s hips, blunt nails digging into the soft skin above his hip bones. 

And the thing is, Steve has never heard a more beautiful sound in his entire life. He groans, his left hand dropping to map out Bucky’s chest. He’s the kind of strong that is incredibly soft, just young enough to still be soft. 

Bucky pulls back, breathing heavy. When Steve opens his eyes, heat rises to his cheeks because Bucky looks absolutely stunning. He smiles down at Steve, hand coming up to rest on the side of his face, thumbing at Steve’s cheekbone. 

“Hey, doll,” Bucky says, his usual brightness returned. His pupils were blown wide, and his cheeks were pink. 

Steve rolled his eyes, swatting Bucky in the chest, “Don’t call me that. I’m not your dame, Buck,” he reminded, and Bucky rolled his own eyes, dipping to kiss at Steve’s jawline, nibbling at the soft skin ever few kisses. 

“Didn’t say you were. Besides, I don’t think I’d like you half as much if you were,” Bucky admitted, glancing up to make eye contact. 

“How come you never told me?” Steve asked then, holding Bucky’s biceps, tracing the curve of his muscle. 

Bucky shrugged, “It never came up, and besides, I’d have rather kept you as a best friend than risk ruining everything because I’m queer. And a sap. And the kind of idiot that falls in love with reckless, stupid blonde punks,” Bucky said, letting his head fall to rest on Steve’s bony shoulder. 

“You love me?” 

Bucky doesn’t say anything for a long while. Steve isn’t sure if it were 30 seconds or 30 minutes, but each moment felt heavy in his small chest. 

“Course I love you, punk. End of the line and all that,” he whispered, shaking his head, “Sorry I didn’t tell you though. About me. I just didn’t want to lose you. I dunno what I would do with myself if I lost you, Stevie. I think my heart would stop,” he admitted, voice quiet. 

Steve took a step back, making Bucky look at him. 

“Listen here, you jerk. There is nothing you could ever say to me that would make me go away, alright? You are stuck with me, James Buchanan Barnes. And I cannot  _ believe  _ you think I’d leave you for something stupid like that,” He reprimanded before smiling, “And I love you too,” He added, chuckling. 

Bucky looked a bit surprised by Steve’s response. He reached out, tracing Steve’s plump bottom lip.

“Wow,” Bucky whispered reverently, “God, I never thought I’d hear you say that. Not like this, I mean,” He explained, smiling so wide he looked younger. 

“Well, like I said, you’re an idiot, might even be the stupidest thing on two legs this side of the Atlantic,” Steve said fondly, kissing Bucky’s cheek lightly. “Hey, so I’m sorry if this pushin’ too hard, but I’d like to kiss you some more. And maybe fuck you,” Steve said then, and Bucky sputtered, nodding his head too quickly. 

Steve grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the bedroom and shoving him down onto their bed, clamoring on top of him, settling to straddle Bucky’s thighs. 

Bucky had been with his fair share of dames, and he liked it enough, but it was nothing compared to here in bed with Steve on top of him. He had never been pushed around before, and he could feel his dick hardening in his pants at the thought of his beautiful Stevie pushing him around. 

“God, Stevie. Just look at you,” 

“Less looking, more kissing,” Steve argued before attacking Bucky’s lips with his own, hands tugging at his dark hair, fisting the strands. Bucky moaned brokenly, bucking his hips upward at the sensation. He could feel Steve grinning against his lips. 

“You like that, sweetheart?” He asked, his hands falling to pull Bucky’s undershirt over his head before kissing down Bucky’s neck. 

“Steve, you’re wearing too many clothes,” Bucky whined, but Steve ignored him, tracing wet, open-mouthed kisses down his chest, stopping to pull Bucky’s left nipple into his mouth, circling it with his tongue before biting softly. 

And Bucky moaned obscenely, arching his back into Steve, wanting more, anything more. He had never needed anything so badly in his life. He needed Steve like he needed air, maybe even more. His hands fisted the smaller man’s shirt, keening needily. 

Steve pulled back, chuckling as he unbuttoned his shirt hastily, “God, you’re a needy little thing,” he said, his voice coming out awed. Bucky whined, trying to hide his face in Steve’s neck, “Ah, no. let me look at you,” he said, and Bucky pulled back, looking up at Steve from under his dark eyelashes. 

“Please, Stevie,” He begged, unsure of what he was asking for. Steve dropped his shirt to the floor as soon as it was unbuttoned before pulling his undershirt over his head, tossing it aside. Bucky hummed softly, hands immediately moving to trace the planes of Steve’s abdomen, tracing his ribs, dipping to kiss over his heart, “Beautiful, my beautiful Stevie,” he murmured against the soft pink skin. 

“Yeah, yeah,” He said, placing his hand on Bucky’s chest and pushing until the older man was lying flat on his back before leaning down and connecting their lips again. 

It took only seconds for their kiss to dissolve into clashing teeth, tongues pressing against each other hastily. They had both been waiting for far too long to waste any more time. 

Steve experimentally ground his hips down, and Bucky let out a broken moan, digging his fingers into Steve’s shoulder blades. He had never felt so wild, his heart trying to claw its way out of his chest. 

“Fuck, Stevie,” Bucky whined, his head falling back, “God, you’re so gorgeous,” he said, welcoming the feel of Steve pushing their hard lengths together, “More, more, Stevie, please. God, I need it. Need you. You make me feel so good, baby. So good for me,” Bucky rambled, reaching a hand down to cup Steve’s hardened dick. 

“Wanna taste you. Can I taste you, Stevie?” He begged, bucking his hips and moaning. And steve moaned then, nodding his head slowly. 

“Yeah, fuck. That’s- we can do that,” He agreed, and Bucky flipped them over, fumbling to undo Steve’s pants, pulling down his trousers and skivvies in one go, tossing them onto the floor and staring reverently down at Steve. 

He was perfect, lithe limbs and a hard, pink cock, tip leaking precum onto his stomach. Bucky licked his lips, leaning down to lick a stripe from balls to tip, moaning softly, eyes falling closed. 

“God, look at you. You’re practically drooling for it,” Steve said, and the smirk was obvious in his voice. Bucky rolled his eyes, licking his hand before wrapping it around the base of Steve’s cock, dipping down to suck the tip into his mouth. 

Steve moaned softly, tracing Bucky’s upper lip, “God, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth,” Steve said, and Bucky just hummed, licking at Steve’s slit before sinking lower, taking as much of him into his mouth as he can manage without gagging. 

He likes it, the weight of it, the faint taste of salt. He started bobbing his head, one hand gripping Steve’s hip while the other massaged the base of Steve’s dick. 

“God, your mouth is made for this,” Steve added, and Bucky looked up at him, raising his eyebrows but not slowing. He didn’t want to lose the feeling of Steve inside him. 

Steve looks gorgeous, hair sticking up, cheeks and chest a blotchy bright red color. His chest is heaving up and down, and for a moment, Bucky worries, his left hand slipping up to rub gentle circles over Steve’s chest. 

“Oh, I’m fine. Just don’t  _ stop _ ,” he said, and Bucky doubled his efforts, sucking gently before fucking himself on Steve’s prick, spit falling to coat the base, making it easier to stroke him, “Jesus Christ, Buck. You’re doing so good. ‘M close,” he said, and bucky hummed, sinking lower than he had before, feeling steve press at the back of his throat. 

“Oh  _ shit _ ,” Steve said, moaning loudly and throwing his head back. Bucky’s hand slipped down to cup his balls, massaging gently before sinking lower, knuckles pressing at Steve’s taint. 

And then Steve is coming, releasing in Bucky’s mouth, hips stuttering. Bucky takes it like a champ, sucking him until his breathing starts to even out. He then pulls off, swallowing and grinning up at him. 

“You really think I have a mouth for sucking dick, Rogers?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

Steve rolled his eyes, pulling him in for a kiss, gasping when he could taste himself on Bucky’s tongue. They lay there kissing for a minute before Steve pushes him down, hand dropping to trace the outline of Bucky’s cock. He’s painfully hard, straining to be set free, and Steve does just that, pushing his pants and underwear away before stroking him surely. 

Steve had always had broad, sure hands. Bucky had spent hours of his life staring at Steve’s hands, wondering how it would feel to have them on his body. And now that it was happening, Bucky was pretty sure that this was the closest he had ever felt to heaven. 

He moaned needily, thrusting his hips into Steve’s hand. The blond raised his eyebrows, smirking. 

“Look at you, baby. So needy. What do you want, Buck? Want my hand? My mouth?” He asked, and Bucky’s chest was heaving. He shook his head, trying to remember how to form words while Steve stroked him languidly. 

“Don’t care, Stevie. Just- need you,” He said, and Steve hummed, dipping to suck a deep bruise on Bucky’s hipbone. 

“That’s right, baby. You’re my needy little thing,” He said, “Such a gorgeous cock, Buck,” He said, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s tip, humming as he licked his lips. 

“Please,” Bucky begged, thrusting his hips up. 

“Please what, baby?” Steve asked, enjoying Bucky’s obvious debauchment. 

“Anything, Stevie. Just want to-” but he didn’t finish, almost screaming out when Steve took him into the wet heat of his mouth, sucking hard before bobbing his head quickly, pulling off to jerk him quickly, looking up at Bucky. 

“God, look at you. I bet you’d do anything I wanted, huh? If I asked you,” Bucky whined, nodding. 

“Anything. Yours,” Bucky promised, and Steve nodded, continuing to stroke him quickly, twisting his wrist on the upstroke. 

“Maybe next time, I’ll get my fingers inside you. I bet you’d like that, huh? Getting to come on my cock?” 

And that was all it took, sending Bucky over the edge, whimpering Steve’s name, his release splashing onto his chest. 

Steve stroked him through it, leaning down to lick it all off, causing Bucky to whine, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow. 

Steve laughed at that, shaking his head, “God, I love you,” he whispered, and Bucky looked up at him, a sated smile on his lips. 

“M not god, but thanks, Stevie. Back atcha,” he said, winking before pulling Steve down in an embrace, holding him against his chest, “Ya got quite a mouth on you there, Rogers,” he said, and Steve blushed, shrugging. 

“Had to tell you how pretty you looked, coming undone beneath me,” He explained, and bucky whined, shaking his head. A minute later he finally responded. 

“I liked it,” he said, kissing the top of Steve’s head, “And yeah, I’d like you to be inside me some time,” He added, drawing sill pictures on Steve’s back. The younger man laughed, rolling his eyes, but he nodded. 

“Yeah, Buck. I think we can make that happen,” He said, reaching up to push Bucky’s sweaty hair from his forehead, “Why were you pouting earlier?” He asked, and Bucky sighed, staring at the ceiling. 

“Alice really likes you. I bet she’d be your steady. I bet she’d let you take her to bed. She’s a good girl. The kind you deserve,” He said quietly, and Steve scoffed, barking out a brash laugh. 

“You were pouting because the girl you set me up with likes me?” He asked, and Bucky shrugged. 

“When I got here, and you weren’t back yet, I was worried you two were gettin’ cozy in her bed. I figured you’d come back, tell me about your night. And then I’d have to lay there while you fell asleep, and think about how unfair it is that she’d get you while I’d be stuck here with nothing,” He said, and Steve frowned, leaning up to kiss his cheek. 

“Well, lucky for you, I got my steady right here. And she’s a good time gal. Puts out on the first date and everything,” Steve teased, a fond smile on his face, “Seriously though, Buck. Alice is great. She’s smart and funny and she doesn’t take shit from anyone,” He said, tracing the frown lines on Bucky’s forehead, “But she isn’t you. And I kept thinking about how I couldn’t wait to get into bed next to you,” 

Bucky’s expression softened at that. 

“It’s never gonna be the kind of life you want, Steve. It’s gonna be hiding and going on dates with dames so people don’t suspect nothing,” Bucky warned, and Steve rolled his eyes. 

“God, honestly, Buck. Why are you always so righteous? I know what it means, Buck. But if I get to come home to you, it’s  _ worth it _ ,” He whispered, kissing Bucky firmly on the lips, “Cuz I’m with you, Buck. Till the end of the line. And if that means hiding away, okay. I’m alright with that. As long as I get to be hiding away with you,” 

“God, Rogers, you’re such a sap,” Bucky said, smiling down at him. 

“Yeah, but you love me,” He reminded, getting up and turning the lights out before coming back to bed, laying his head on Bucky’s chest and pulling the ratty blanket over them. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Bucky said, closing his eyes and falling asleep, the love of his life breathing soundly in his arms. 


	2. Part II. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a fill for I4 of my Stucky Bingo Card, Wakandan Bucky!

_ Part II. After _

Steve sat in the quinjet, shoulders tense. Bucky had been out of cryo for almost three months now, but he had asked for some time to figure out himself. So Steve had thrown himself into work, doubling down with Sam, Nat, and Wanda. They were making the world better, one mission at a time. 

But Steve would be a liar if he said that Bucky hadn’t been occupying all of his thoughts for months. He sighed, looking up anxiously. He would arrive in Wakanda in only a few more minutes. Shuri had said that Bucky was settled into a small village close to the border. It would be a short walk, and then he would be there, seeing the love of his life again. 

When the quinjet lands, Steve is up immediately, practically running down the ramp, smiling at the princess, who was waiting down the tarmac. 

“Shuri, it’s a pleasure as always,” he said, and she nodded, hugging him briefly. 

“The pleasure is all mine, captain. Are you ready to see your boy? I think he washed his hair and everything,” she said, laughing at her own joke, “He is very excited. He misses you. And now that I have cleared out hydra’s mess, he’s finally pleasant to be around,” 

Steve laughs at that, nodding. He thinks back to Bucky when they were young. Bucky with his sunshine smile and brilliant eyes. He had been so unshakeable, or at least Steve had always thought so. 

“I can’t wait to see him. Thanks again. For everything you’ve done for him. I hope he’s told you how much he appreciates it,” Steve can hear his captain voice. He still doesn’t know how to just be Steve in front of most people. 

“It was nothing. Hydra has nothing on me and my lab. It was rudimentary at best,” She said, waving off his praise. She then gives him directions to the village, hugging him again before turning back to the city, “And Steve! I hope you two have a lovely evening, don’t wake the neighbors,” She teases before waltzing off. 

Steve’s cheeks are flushed red, and he begins his trek, following the road that Shuri had suggested. The walk wasn’t long, and as he got closer, he could see the appeal. There were rolling, grassy hills and small huts, children running around with each other. As Steve makes his final turn, he smiles, taking in the lake, glittering in the sunset. And there he was, sitting in a patch of grass, a book in hand. 

Bucky’s hair falls in soft waves, half of his hair pulled back into a small bun. He’s wearing a traditional Wakandan outfit, and he looks peaceful. 

Steve falls in love again. 

His steps pick up, and soon he’s jogging, dropping his small bag and closing the distance, stopping beside his best friend. 

“Buck…” He whispered reverently, dropping down to his knees. 

Bucky looks up, smiling softly. He sets down his book before reaching over to touch Steve’s beard. 

“That’s new, right? I don’t have to go tell Shuri she fucked up?” Steve laughs, shaking his head. 

“It’s new. Turns out, no one recognizes you when you grow a beard,” Bucky rolls his eyes, sitting up. 

“I like it. It’s a good look on you, sweetheart,” He says, and Steve flushes pink, looking down at his hands. 

He had been worried that Bucky wouldn’t want him anymore, now that he can remember everything. Now that he is free. 

“Thanks, Buck. You look…” he can’t find the word that he wants. Bucky looks otherworldly. Bucky is so stunning that Steve would give up anything to get one more kiss. Hell, he already had. 

“I look tired and annoyed with my goats, is what I look like. They’re little shits. One of em’ keeps climbing up onto the roof. And I have to go up and manhandle him down. Stupid goat,” Bucky ranted, scowling in the direction of what Steve could only assume are the goats. 

“You have goats?”

“Yeah, five of em’. They’re real sweet mostly, and it gives me something to do. I finally finished naming them,” Bucky says, smiling. His chest puffs up a bit, the way it did when they were kids, and he was pleased with himself. 

“That’s awesome, Buck. I can’t wait to meet them,” He says earnestly, and Bucky is staring at him then, barely concealed awe on his face. 

“Really?” He asked, and Steve nodded, “I was worried… that you wouldn’t want to come to visit me. It ain’t exactly Brooklyn, but it’s...it’s my place. For now, at least. And it’s all mine, Stevie. I’m a property owner. I have assets,” 

Steve laughs, reaching out to push a strand of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. 

“I see why you like it. It’s beautiful here. It’s so green,” Steve says, and Bucky nods, laying back down, his hair fanning out around his face. 

“Yeah, it’s simple. I like it. It all makes sense here… I’m sorry,” Bucky said then, his smile falling, “That I asked you to wait. And that I made you wait so long. I just… I had to make sure, you know? And I didn’t want to disappoint you again” 

Steve shook his head, frowning. 

“Buck, you’ve never once disappointed me. I would wait forever for you. I would do anything for you. Besides, the team and I have been doing a lot of good, Buck,” he says, smiling fondly, “God, I missed you though. What is it that they say about distance making you love someone more?”

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” Bucky supplies, and Steve nods. 

“I don’t know if it’s possible for me to get any fonder, though,” Steve’s words are soft, almost whispered as if he is afraid that Bucky will reject him. 

“I love you too, Stevie,” Bucky says softly, leaning in slowly to press his lips to Steve’s. It’s chaste, and Steve melts against him, pliant. 

When they pull away, Bucky is staring at him intently. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I really like the beard. You should keep it,” Bucky says decidedly, petting at it, “You look so rugged. Bet it would feel nice on my thighs,” He added offhandedly, and Steve squeaks, shaking his head. 

“God, you’re the worst,” 

“Not god, but thanks, Stevie. I appreciate the sentiment,” 

~~~~

That night, Steve hovered in the kitchen while Bucky cooked them dinner, singing softly to himself.

“ _ You came, you saw, you conquered me. When you did that to me, I knew somehow that this had to be _ ,” Bucky’s voice had always been pretty, clear and soft. Steve smiled softly, watching Bucky move around, “Can you set the table, Steve?” Bucky asked, glancing over his shoulder. 

Steve nodded, going to the indicated cupboard and getting plates and utensils, carrying them to the small table. He set them down before going back to watch Bucky move. 

It was interesting, watching Bucky move now. Steve had seen every iteration of James Buchanan Barnes. Steve could see each version of Bucky moving inside the man in front of him. There was the casual movement of his best friend from before the war, the calm sureness of Bucky during the war, and the saunter of the winter soldier, all existing in one gait. 

Steve smiled, walking over and wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. Bucky paused, turning his head to look at Steve, who dipped to place a chaste kiss to his cheek. 

“What was that for?” Bucky asked, sounding amused. 

“Can’t a man kiss his best guy?” Steve questioned, and bucky hummed, nodding. 

“You can always kiss me, you know that,” He said gently, turning back to stir the pot in front of him, “ _ How strange, how sweet, to find you still. These things are dear to me. They seem to bring you near to me _ ,” Bucky sang. Steve smiled, hiding his face in Bucky’s right shoulder. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Steve whispered reverently, and Bucky laughed, shaking his head. 

“I wouldn’t go that far, Rogers,” he argued, and Steve frowned, shaking his head. 

“I would. I will. Every day for the rest of eternity. I thought you were the most amazing thing in the universe from the second I first saw you. Buck… losing you was like… it was like the whole world went dark,” He whispered, and Bucky tensed, stilling, “I didn’t know how to exist in a world without you. I still don’t,” he admitted. 

“Steve…”

“Do you remember…” He began slowly, swallowing thickly, “That night in Brooklyn when you told me you loved me? You said to me, that you didn’t know what you would do without me. Said you thought your heart might stop,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Bucky nodded minutely, “Yeah, I remember,” He said softly. 

“When I lost you… it felt like I died with you. Captain America was still alive and breathing, but Steve Rogers was just… gone,” he said, chuckling bitterly, “My heart was still beating, but… every heartbeat felt like the sickest kind of betrayal,” he tried to explain, “My heart was beating, but I didn’t  _ want _ it to be. Which is worse,” he admitted. 

Bucky turned around in his arms, staring at Steve with those familiar, steely eyes.

“Listen to me, Steve,” He said, voice serious, “I love you. More than I could ever love anyone else. You are the best man, the best  _ person _ that I’ve ever known. And if I could go back… I’d do it all again. I’d be right there, by your side, watching your six. I would go through all of that hell over and over again for you, okay? And do you know why?” he asked urgently. 

Steve swallowed thickly, shaking his head. 

“Because it brought me here,” he said quietly, “It brought me back here to you. Because we are the only thing in this universe that makes any goddamn sense, yeah? Steve and Bucky, side by side. I would walk through hell and come out the other side for you. And you better be fucking willing to do the same,” he finished, reaching up to wipe a tear from Steve’s cheek. 

“You know I would, Buck. Anything for you,” he whispered seriously, resting his forehead against the brunette’s. 

“Now take this to the table,” He said, gesturing in the direction of their food. He went to get them both water, having to do one at a time. He didn’t mind having only one arm, but it did make everything go slower. 

They ate quietly, speaking every few minutes in hushed voices. 

“It’s better than depression food,” Steve said seriously, and Bucky barked a laugh, throwing his head back. 

“Everything is better than depression food,” Bucky pointed out, shaking his head, “but I made it with love, so of course it’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten,” Bucky teased, and Steve smiled fondly. 

During the 30s, Bucky had always said that when he cooked, ‘here you go, Stevie. It’s made with love, so it’ll be delicious, I’m sure’.

When they finished, Steve washed the dishes, telling Bucky to go and get ready for bed. When he finally got to the bedroom, he blushed, biting his lower lip. 

Bucky was laying there in a pair of white boxer briefs and nothing else, curled up on the bed. 

“Wow, didn’t expect dinner and a view,” Steve teased, and bucky looked over his shoulder raising his eyebrows. 

“Your jokes are corny. Come here,” He said softly, and Steve walked over, plopping down beside him. Steve’s hands immediately found their way to Bucky’s hips. He was softer now, his winter soldier muscles deteriorating slightly until he was back to his natural size. 

Bucky smiled, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Steve’s lips. Steve immediately melted, moving closer to Bucky and humming, one hand moving to cup Bucky’s jaw. 

They laid there for a while, kissing languidly, legs tangling together, 

“Steve?” Bucky said when he pulled back, looking at him from under his dark eyelashes. Steve nodded, brushing Bucky’s hair out of his face, “How would you feel about fucking me?” He asked, and Steve blushed, looking down and nodding. 

“Yup. Would love that. I would love that a lot,” he said quietly, and Bucky laughed. 

“You have quite literally never been shy in your entire life. Why you startin’ now?” He asked, his familiar Brooklyn drawl spilling from his beautiful lips. 

“I don’t know, Buck. It’s been… a lot of years,” He admitted, and Bucky laughed, leaning in to nip at Steve’s jawline. 

“It’s been a while for both of us,” He said quietly, hand moving to pet at Steve’s hip, “But God knows there is nothing in this world that I want more than you. Right here. Right now. In any way you’ll have me,” Bucky said, voice gentle and reassuring. 

“Yeah, okay, Buck,” He said, nodding slowly. 

“Good, now get these clothes off. I need skin,” he said petulantly, and Steve laughed, shucking his t-shirt and shimmying out of his jeans. 

When he looked up, Bucky was staring at him, pupils dilated and lips parted. Steve smiled, dipping down to kiss Bucky more insistently, hand resting on his hip, rubbing gentle circles on the skin. 

Bucky hummed, pressing himself closer to Steve, whining into his mouth. Steve swiped his tongue against Bucky’s bottom lip, breath hitching when his tongue met Bucky’s. 

His hands are everywhere, mapping out Bucky’s familiar figure. Bucky keens, arching into the touch unabashedly, hand tightening on Steve’s shoulder, fingertips pressing into the muscle there. 

“ _ Stevie _ ,” he whispers sharply, pulling back from the kiss and staring at Steve with lidded eyes. Steve smiled, nodding. 

“Yeah, Buck?” 

“Fuck me. Please, ``he whispered, rutting against Steve’s thigh. Steve chuckled, nodding, “How do you want me?” he asked, and Steve hummed thoughtfully. 

“It’ll probably be easiest with you on your back?” He asked curiously, “ I don’t want your arm to hurt because all your weight is on it,” He added, and Bucky nodded, rolling onto his back and slipping off his boxers, throwing them aside. He pulls his knees up to his chest, baring himself to Steve, staring up at him with wide eyes. 

Steve smiles, hands moving to pet at Bucky’s strong thighs, kneading the muscle there. 

“Buck, you’re so gorgeous,” He whispered sweetly, dipping down to kiss down Bucky’s left thigh, lips trailing lower and lower until he’s putting his lips over Bucky’s entrance. He licks surely, eyes fluttering closed while he licks his way in delicately. 

Bucky whines needily, wiggling his hips, grinding down on Steve’s tongue. 

Steve licks into him surely, holding Bucky’s thighs in his sure hands. He feels like a starved man, eating for the first time in seventy years. 

“Stevie,  _ please _ ,” Bucky begged, and Steve pulls back, licking his lips. 

“Where’s your lube, Buck?” Steve asked, and Bucky pointed vaguely toward the bedside table. 

“‘S in the top drawer,” He said, and Steve nodded, getting up and going to grab the small bottle, returning to settle back into the bed. He slicks up a finger before easing it in. He’s still wet from Steve’s tongue, but the slide from the lube feels exquisite. Bucky lets out a pleased sigh, his eyes shut, mouth forming a beautiful ‘o’. 

Steve pumps his finger in and out slowly, crooking it to rub at Bucky’s prostate every few movements, and he grins, soaking in Bucky’s beautiful gasps and moans. When Bucky starts fucking himself down on Steve’s finger, he adds another, fucking int him slowly. 

“God, you’re as tight as ever,” Steve muttered, more to himself than anything else, but Bucky’s eyes opened, and he grinned up wickedly, cheeks flushed a gorgeous shade of crimson. 

“Get in me, then. Please, Stevie. I’ve been waiting literal decades to get your cock inside me,” He whined, and Steve chuckled, pulling his fingers free. He watched with wide eyes as Bucky clenched around the emptiness. He pulled his boxers off, lubing himself up before pressing his cock into Bucky slowly. 

And Steve could swear that this is the best thing he had ever felt in his entire life. Bucky’s searing heat pulling him in, the older man whining needily, head thrown back, baring the pale column of his neck. 

When he’s buried inside Bucky, he pauses, taking in the feeling of completeness. There is nowhere else on this planet that feels more correct than being connected to Bucky. He sighed happily, welcoming the feeling of being one with the love of his life. 

“Steve, I swear to god, if you don’t start moving-”

Steve pulls out before pushing back in, Bucky’s breath hitching, eyes falling closed again. He rocks his hips slowly, setting a gentle pace. 

“Fuck, sweetheart. You’re so tight,” Steve whispered, and Bucky nodded, biting his lower lip and moaning obscenely. 

Fucking Bucky feels like going home. Everything else melts away until it’s just them, connected and moving together. Steve can’t help but remember all of the times they had indulged in each other before, curled up on their broken-down cot in their apartment, hiding away in tents during the war. Steve’s cheeks were wet then, as he and Bucky found a faster rhythm, moving in tandem. 

“God, Stevie. Fuck, yes,” Bucky muttered, grinding himself down on Steve’s cock. 

“I love you,” Steve whispered, words shaky, “I love you so much,” And Bucky stilled then, opening his eyes and looking up, concern plaguing his features. 

“Stevie? What’s wrong?” He asked, and Steve shook his head rapidly. 

“No, nothing is wrong, Buck. Everything is perfect. You’re perfect,” Steve whispered, and Bucky reached up, wiping both of Steve’s cheeks. 

“Then why you cryin’, Stevie?” He whispered, and Steve let out a wet chuckle, hips still fucking into Bucky slowly. 

“I just… I didn’t know if I’d ever get to have you like this again,” He whispered, dropping down to press a kiss to Bucky’s lips. It changes the angle of their hips, and Bucky’s breath hitches. 

“Fuck, Stevie,  _ right there _ ,” He whimpers, and Steve nods, leaning his forehead against Bucky’s. And he fucks into him earnestly then, picking up the pace of his hips. He fucks Bucky like it’s what he was born to do. He had wanted to have Bucky like this since he had known what sex was. And here, having Bucky’s lithe body beneath him, there was nothing better. 

One of Steve’s hands snakes between them, wrapping around Bucky’s flushed cock, jerking him quickly. 

“Come for me, Buck. I wanna feel you come,” He whispered, and Bucky whimpered, staring into Steve’s blue eyes. He nodded, breathing becoming labored. 

“Oh. Oh.  _ Oh _ ,” Bucky let out, and then he’s coming, spilling over onto his own stomach. Steve thrusts harder, the feeling of Bucky clenching around him pushing him over the edge. 

“Bucky,” he whispered as he came, thrusting through his release before slowing, pulling out and dropping down beside Bucky, head resting on the older man’s shoulder. 

“Stevie… what’s wrong?” He asked quietly, carding his fingers through Steve’s hair, “Why are you crying?” 

And Steve had forgotten about his tears, but now that Bucky has pointed it out, he realizes how wet his cheeks are. And then he’s crying harder, curling into Bucky’s side and hiding his face in Bucky’s neck, sobbing uselessly and clinging to him. 

Bucky frowns, pulling him in close, “Hey, shhh, Stevie. It’s okay. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” He whispered earnestly, peppering soft kisses to the top of Steve’s head. 

“I’m sorry. God, I’m so  _ sorry _ ,” He cried, fingers tightening on Bucky’s skin with enough force to bruise a normal person. 

“Why, Stevie? Why are you sorry?” He asked, and Steve shook his head, hiccuping. 

“I just… I almost lost you. I almost lost you so many times, and I didn’t… I couldn’t-”

“Stevie,  _ stop _ . You’ve gotta stop blaming yourself. None of this shit is your fault, okay? I’m with you till the end of the line. I meant it when we were kids, and I mean it now. We’re safe, and we’re here. And we have the rest of our lives to figure it out. But I need you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong,” he explained, and Steve nodded, trying to control his breathing. 

“I love you, Steven Grant Rogers. I’ve loved you every day since I first saw that ugly mug of yours. And I’m going to love you every day until I die. And then, my spirit is going to transcend and love you some more,” Bucky said, smiling down at him. 

Steve pulled back to look up at Bucky, eyes rimmed red, “I love you. So much, Buck. God, there isn’t a-”

“Nope, no more depressing shit tonight. We can unpack all that tomorrow. For now, you get some rest. I’m going to clean up, okay? And I’ll be back to hold you,” Bucky said, kissing Steve tenderly before peeling himself away, going to the bathroom and wiping himself down. 

When he walked back out to the bedroom, he sang again, voice quiet as he crawled into bed, pulling Steve to his chest, wrapping himself around the larger man. 

“ _ The sigh of midnight trains in empty stations, Silk stockings thrown aside, dance invitations. Oh, how the ghost of you clings. These foolish things remind me of you _ ,”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are my lifeblood, so if you liked it, maybe let me know??? 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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